For Your Consideration

For those of you familiar with some of my old livejournal writings on this subject, you can feel free to skip this post, as it's kind of a rehash.

I used to have a tendency to do lists and steps when I talk about this sort of thing. But then I learned that sexuality is an ongoing journey. There can be no platitudes, no concrete steps. The only thing that remains a constant is communication. And I maintain that kinky people communicate better.

That's kind of a huge statement to make, I know. I can hear the shouts from the peanut gallery again (will you guys ever shut up? It's getting bloody irritating). But it's a reality. We do communicate better than most vanilla couples. This is because we have to. If you've got someone tied up in intricate shibari bondage, (more power to you if you do, I'm too lazy for that stuff), you have got to have channels of communication open with that person. He or she must be able to tell you when something hurts in a bad way, or they are loosing feeling in a body part, etc. In order to execute a scene based on a particular fantasy correctly, there must be open communication between the participants regarding the various wants and needs that are going into all of it. No one gets what they want when they don't talk about it.

This is obviously true of any type of relationship. Vanilla folks could certainly benefit from more open and consistent communication in their relationships. They also could benefit from a good spanking, but that's kind of just my opinion on things that are fun (which is really the topic of several other posts). They'll show up eventually, I promise.

Communication is the key to successful sexual exploration. I'm sure that some of my readers got here by the power of search engines, not that I think I rank all that high on a google search yet. Some of you are just finding this stuff sexy for the first time. And you have no frakkin' clue if your partner thinks it's equally hot. In order to get what you want, you have to say something. That's hard because you don't really want to come off as a total nut job. The worst reaction you can possibly get to any revelation of sadomasochistic tendencies is "you're a horrible human being, get away from me." The middle ground is "huh, never thought about that before, but I'm willing to give it a try." The best possible reaction is "me too!"

To sum up, communication is key. No one gets anywhere if they don't talk to their partners. No one gets what they want, no one gets orgasms, no one has fun. And really, who wants that?